Why on god's green earth do I get myself into such predicaments? Sometimes I think I am too cocky to know the difference, sometimes I think I take "fake it till you make it" too far. Allow me to explain.
I had this bright idea to ask for a meeting with the CIO of a major, Fortune 500 company....and I got it. The day of the meeting I was to meet the HR Director first to discuss a strategy and go over key talking points. She was only able to get me 15 minutes with him so I had to get my selling point across fast. Anyway, I digress as usual. So I am completely unprepared for this meeting but am counting on this briefing session with HR to pull me through.
Fast forward to meeting day....I walked through the front door when receptionist started yelling my name...."Stef" she screams..."Stef...I need to talk to you." HR lady called in and is in the hospital...she said go see the CIO yourself...she said you would know what to do.
Holy SHIT, are you kidding me?
My meeting is at 10:30...it's 10:29...I have no choice...I must march onward. I start to tremble as I get into the elevators to the executive floor. I get in, push 5...then the door close button. But it wasn't the door close button...it was really the rear door open button and I exposed stupid nervousness to the warehouse workers. Ok...push door close button...frantically.
I arrive at his Executive Admin's desk who starts bending my ear about her daughter who needs a job and will be home for break form school and who needs her adenoids taken out and....I stop her, "you know i have a meeting with CIO man at 10:30 right?" I'm thinking surely she is stalling me with all this daughter talk because he must not be ready for me, right?
WHAT? she says, holy SHIT...it's 10:35...let's go.
I walk into his office, she says CIO man this is Stef from her company, sorry SHE is late....are you F'in kidding me lady? Anyway...digress.
I rush to shake his hand, nice and firm...and my laptop purse bag thing falls down my arm and nails him in the leg. Great. I apologize and plow on.
He offers me a seat which I promptly take....could someone have filled me in on the loose back? I lean back and end up flying backwards at warp speed into his file cabinet...BANG. I continue on.
CIO - "So, Stef, what can I do for you today?"
Me - Blink blink.
CIO - "Stef, what brings you here today?"
Me - You know HR lady is sick in the hospital right?
CIO - "Yes, I know, she IM'ed me"
Me - "Oh, ok." blink blink blink.."I'm here because I wanted to tell you that we bought out another company and will be changing our name because their name is much better than ours and ahem, um , well so we'll have that new name soon, and well, um, I have some things to update you on our service offerings because of this um, new company and maybe we could do, more, well at least some...more....business with you and since we have had this relationship for well, you know, this partnership and we have had some issues. and well some success too and um....oh my god, I'm thinking...just shut up...just shut the F up. What am I retarded? I should have known better...last night i had one of those foreshadowing dreams...you know the heavy anxiety ones when you drop your 2 year old off at the pool by herself and your 3 year old at the zoo by himself...except with no shoes....and you yourself are late to the CIO meeting and end up somehow wearing your bathing suit and when you arrive at the meeting in your bathing suit your now teenage daughter is there doing a dance routine on the pool deck and you realize you missed it all ? You know...that sort of dream!
So after a good cry in the parking lot and an even better lunch with my husband, I realized that this flubbed meeting wasn't so bad after all. What really matters in my life aren't botched meetings with big and powerful people. I have all I need right here...there is no place like home.
