Has anyone seen my will?

Apparently something happened after my first child was born. Most people say it's baby, placenta, brain. I think mine went something like baby, placenta, personality.

I went to a concert with my husband Sunday night despite having a raging head cold... John Butler Trio (which I highly recommend if you get the chance) but all I could think about were negative things. Will the kids be ok? Will they eat? Will Sky throw up again? Will grandma brush their teeth? Will they cough up a lung? Will grandma plug in their humidifiers? Did I clean them out or will I fill their rooms with bacteria? Will this balcony fall? Will I cough up a lung? Will I die if this chicken isn't cooked? Will my keys fall out of my pocket while walking through the city? Will I get fired from my job if I call in sick again tomorrow? Will my marriage fail if I beg him to leave early tonight? Will one of the drunk kids at the concert throw up on me? Will my mom finally move to Massachusetts? Will Jeff's dad recover from cancer and chemo? Will the chiropractor be mad if I change my appointment at the last minute? Will I get out of debt? Will I get sicker if my hands dirty and I need to blow my nose? Will my mother in law ever love me? Will I ever make any friends? Will I get to sleep tonight? Will I ever be able to afford another massage/polarity session? Will I ever get back to yoga? Will the kids have a good Christmas? Will I ever lose weight? Will I ever leave my job?

What the hell happened to me? I don't know this person I've become.

Then it occurred to me.... I went for my first ever polarity treatment last week and within seconds she asked me what was wrong as she was hovering over my solar plexus. I said that I wasn't sure but that it has really been hurting me. She said, have you lost your will? And I just laid there, blinking at her? I needed to process her question. I finally came up with an answer for her today. I don't think I've lost my will, I just reallocated it to the craziness that my life has become. So today I begin a journey of another kind...I will find my will and move forward. Otherwise I'm afraid I'll be living a lifetime of regret.

All you want is
What you can't have
And if ya' just look around, man
You'll see you got magic
So just sit back and relax
Enjoy it while you still have it
Don't look back on life, man
And only see tragedy ' cause
You can be better than that
Let it get the better of you
What could be better than that?
Life's not about what's better than