When does it end? Or Begin?

Been M.I.A for a while now. Lots of stuff going on in my life and have been trying to keep my head above water. The kids were sick as hell for 15 days straight. Croup that gripped their little lungs and tried it's best to suffocate them. I always freak out when the kids get sick. Like really flip my lid...I'm talking straight jacket material! I can't sleep, I shake non stop, I can't eat or can't stop eating depending on the illness Du jour, I can't focus, I cry at the drop of a hat and I can't bare leave their sides. This particular episode of Croup left them both exhausted, fevery, and on steroids. I have been trying hard to work through my fear of illness for a while now. I really don't know how people deal with REALLY sick kids. My heart just breaks for them. Why doesn't anybody ever tell you this stuff before you get pregnant?? Is this just one of the many parenting dirty little secrets? I originally started this blog to work though my career issues. I thought I would be able to write about a new career idea everyday since my interests are so vast and maybe eventually land my dream job. I've been a recruiter for 11 years with the same company and have worked from home since my oldest was 12 weeks. But this early September illness has scared me into complacency. How could I possible search for a new and exciting life when my kids have already started getting sick...and it's still summer?!! At 3 years and 23 months, maybe they just need their mommy to be happy with what's she's got. I mean I know others would die to work from home,...I make ok money, I don't have to stress about taking days off to be with them...I've got it made right? I guess I wouldn't be so sad all the time if I had someone that supported me through these fears. My husband tries, but he gets frustrated quickly. My mother in law also tries but gives me half shoulder hugs and laughs everything off. My mother just tells me to ship them to her and she'll make it all better. My therapist wants me to explain my irrational fear back to her... and the handful of friends I have either live too far away, or just don't get it..."kids get sick" they say. It's such a double edged sword. On one hand, I have these delusions being able to bounce all of this crap off some like minded co-workers. To have somewhere to go, away from all the sickness. But on the other hand, I feel so lucky to be the one here to wipe away their tears and snot, monitor their fevers with Florance Nightingale style vigor, and administer endless amounts of the pink goop. Why is sacrifice attached to everything in parenting? Something always has the give and there is always something to feel guilty about. I swear, I had no idea..I'm not saying I would have chosen not to have kids...because that wouldn't be true, I've always wanted kids...but maybe I could have beefed up on the serotonin levels or prepared myself somehow for the pain that accompanies the joy. There are times when I just don't feel like I matter any more. I feel totally lost and gone in Mommy land. Does it ever get better? Do you ever get used to the barking coughs, the hot little limbs, the all nighters in a rocking chair? I could just cry thinking about it now...and both kids are blissfully napping without a sniffle in sight. What am I going to do to get through this winter alive..let alone find myself again and have a career that inspires me. Right now I am living for everyone else...will it be my turn again or is that what my 20's were for?