An absolutely amazing transformation has happened in my life. I am happy. I am truly at peace with everything in my immediate world. Sure, the cancer is still looming over my father in law...the stroke still paralyzing a good friend, my mom is still lost and sad...but I am happy. You won't even believe what the tipping point was for me...I traded in my minivan for a new sleek Jeep Commander V-8 Hemi engine fully loaded gas guzzling TRUCK. I've got my groove back! I did something for myself...I got ready of that sticky, soul selling, label producing, trash collecting house on wheels and in return have a little bit of the old Stef has resurfaced. I've been keeping my new truck pristine clean and it feels really good. Actually it felt so good that I went out and got a smashing new Posh Spice inspired do and have been wearing makeup on a regular basis. Now I am not insinuating that the car I drive is really what propelled me into happiness land. I think that I, for the first time since my children were born, I did something I that I really wanted to do instead of what i thought I was supposed to do. I'm taking care of what's mine materialistically and physically. I've got some pride back and am appreciating the blessings I have more and more each day. I'd even venture to say that I am...gasp...optimistic? I'm amazed at the fact that just small tweaks in life can free you of a burden you didn't realize you were carrying.
This series of events has caused me to look at other areas as well and I feel like I am finally making some mental strides.
This authentic life movement is fabulous. Or is this a quarter life crisis? I'm not totally sure...but I don't really care...I feel good.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Tagged, I'm it!
Tagged by my new buddy Mindy @ The Wish Studio (http://www.thewishstudio.blogspot.com/)
*We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
*Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.*
*People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
*At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.
1. I am an Amoeba. I see my life as ever changing and I am only comfortable in chaos. I have a hard time just "being" and create my own issues to work out because I am so lost with what I really need to address.
2. I love to be crafty but I'm not very good at one particular thing. I can knit, a little. Crochet, a little. Paint, a little. Bead, a little...etc.
3. Horses make me the happiest person in the world. I would love to be able to make time to ride and wish I could find someone who needed their horse exercised for free.
4. I've had a hard time making friends in Massachusetts. I moved here a few years ago and have made only a few connections. I left Maryland as a super connected, booked solid, socialite of sorts and my self esteem has taken a beating because of it. I am still mourning the loss of Angela who was my BFF here. She moved to Atlanta last month to be closer to her own family and I miss her desperately. In fact, I am not even sure how I will pass this on to 8 people. I only know 4 bloggers.
5. I love teen movies and romantic comedies. Varsity Blues, Corina Corina, Two Weeks Notice, Bring It On, 13 Going on 30 and Freaky Friday just to name a few. (no wonder i have no friends)
6. I know a thing or 2 about music and can do a mean running man. I think I've gained so much weight because I no longer spend my weekends cutting the rug. Oh and maybe the non-stop stress eating but that's for another blog.
7. The only person I can spend non-stop time with is my husband. He might get on my nerves every now and again but I truly can spend every waking moment with him and not get bored. He's hysterical and I thank God that I found the yin to my yang.
8. I have no idea what I want to do with my life professionally and wish someone would just wave a magic wand give me the answer. I'm been searching for a long time now and nothing seems to click and stick. I'm getting tired and discouraged. Surly I am meant to do more than this?
I will tag the incredibly talented Tan!a http://woordnbeeld.blogspot.com/ and my very funny friend PJ
http://brownriggpicturehome.blogspot.com/
*We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
*Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.*
*People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
*At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and they should read your blog.
1. I am an Amoeba. I see my life as ever changing and I am only comfortable in chaos. I have a hard time just "being" and create my own issues to work out because I am so lost with what I really need to address.
2. I love to be crafty but I'm not very good at one particular thing. I can knit, a little. Crochet, a little. Paint, a little. Bead, a little...etc.
3. Horses make me the happiest person in the world. I would love to be able to make time to ride and wish I could find someone who needed their horse exercised for free.
4. I've had a hard time making friends in Massachusetts. I moved here a few years ago and have made only a few connections. I left Maryland as a super connected, booked solid, socialite of sorts and my self esteem has taken a beating because of it. I am still mourning the loss of Angela who was my BFF here. She moved to Atlanta last month to be closer to her own family and I miss her desperately. In fact, I am not even sure how I will pass this on to 8 people. I only know 4 bloggers.
5. I love teen movies and romantic comedies. Varsity Blues, Corina Corina, Two Weeks Notice, Bring It On, 13 Going on 30 and Freaky Friday just to name a few. (no wonder i have no friends)
6. I know a thing or 2 about music and can do a mean running man. I think I've gained so much weight because I no longer spend my weekends cutting the rug. Oh and maybe the non-stop stress eating but that's for another blog.
7. The only person I can spend non-stop time with is my husband. He might get on my nerves every now and again but I truly can spend every waking moment with him and not get bored. He's hysterical and I thank God that I found the yin to my yang.
8. I have no idea what I want to do with my life professionally and wish someone would just wave a magic wand give me the answer. I'm been searching for a long time now and nothing seems to click and stick. I'm getting tired and discouraged. Surly I am meant to do more than this?
I will tag the incredibly talented Tan!a http://woordnbeeld.blogspot.com/ and my very funny friend PJ
http://brownriggpicturehome.blogspot.com/
Sunday, July 22, 2007
The Trickle Effect
This Tuesday I have a second interview at my dream "company." It's small, close to home, eclectic, private, part time and most important an Art School! While maybe not necessarily my dream position, it is one step closer towards the arts and it leverages my prior experience. The job entails working as a coordinator in the admissions group. I've always thought I would make a great admissions councilor. I have my own important memory of being admitted to Western Maryland College and will never forget my counselor, Lisa. I had a 1.8 graduating from high school, never did much outside of cheer leading and flag twirling, was hung up in the wrong crowd with a very wrong boy, and smoked my SAT's with a whopping 880...let's just say there were no ivy league-rs stepping up with scholarship money! My destiny would be determined from one essay and one interview. The essay theme was, "Tell us about a person who inspires you." I talked about my brother and how he had taken a very different road in life. How he'd met an older woman at 18, adopted her child, went into the military, had two more back to back children and barely had enough cash for spaghettio's. He never listened to my parents and insisted on learning everything the hard way. I told Lisa that watching him struggle made it clear to me that I needed to turn my life around. I needed to catch a break, get into college and I would show them that I could be a great student. Somehow my plan worked and I was accepted. It was the happiest day in my life and one of those life defining moments I think we all have. I knew I had been given my second chance and it was up to me to make the most it. It was the first time in my life that I believed in myself despite what numbers on tests proved otherwise. I went on to study deaf education which eventually turned into being an English major, Communications minor. I even made Dean's List-highest honors one semester. I was active the community, was in a great sorority, and truly appreciated every minute of every day in college.
OK, so now that I've given you some background, I can get to my point. To quote Shakespeare...Ay there's the rub....there always has to be one..otherwise this blog would suck.
To accept a part time position, even if I love the people, the school, and the dream could manifest...the position pays a measly $15/hour. 22 hours a week... do the math, it's not a lot of money. I currently make 3 times that and then some.
So, let the trickling begin. If offered the job, do I take it at the risk of financially crippling my family? Take the kids out of school-will they have speech delays and social problems? Will they get sicker in kindergarten because they won't be exposed to all the immune building bugs they tell me are so beneficial now? Will I drive an unsafe car because we can't afford one that is safe? Will we be able to move or will my lack of income kill our borrowing power? Will I hate being with the kids full days a few days a week and become the yelling screaming mom I see on TV? Will my husband resent me for following a dream and placing an enormous burden on him? Or...will my trickle flow upwards...will I enjoy being out of the house a few days a week and maybe make a friend or 12, I might learn a new business and get exposure to a non-profit, higher education and art school all at once. Instead of being stressed 24x7, I'll have a clear path to work, not have the distractions of being at home like I do now, have a job that I won't necessarily have to bring home with me and think about at 3am. No late night interview preps, no tracking down clients for offers, no quarterly reports, no what's your GP and what's your plan, no going into Boston or out to Marlborough. I'll have dedicated days off just for me and the kids....with NO stress of being caught. We'll beach it, park it, library it, go to farmers markets and maybe start and finish craft projects. We'll be able to work our creative minds and the burden of Internet shopping at Hanna Andersson will be alleviated...no keeping up with the Jones' while at home! No germs to obsess about, no meetings/school to rush to and from, no pealing away crying, snotting babies from my chest each morning. No more praying that today someone will make them wash their hands and they won't get the --------- for the 6th time (insert stomach flu, pink eye, strep throat, cold, bronchitis, hand/foot mouth, 5th's etc),No more lying to them saying, you'll have fun today and it will be ok. All of that can wait right? What's another couple of years? And maybe, just maybe, I'll have the chance to make an impact in someones life...hopefully with my own kids and the kids at the school. Is this another 2nd chance?
What would you do?
OK, so now that I've given you some background, I can get to my point. To quote Shakespeare...Ay there's the rub....there always has to be one..otherwise this blog would suck.
To accept a part time position, even if I love the people, the school, and the dream could manifest...the position pays a measly $15/hour. 22 hours a week... do the math, it's not a lot of money. I currently make 3 times that and then some.
So, let the trickling begin. If offered the job, do I take it at the risk of financially crippling my family? Take the kids out of school-will they have speech delays and social problems? Will they get sicker in kindergarten because they won't be exposed to all the immune building bugs they tell me are so beneficial now? Will I drive an unsafe car because we can't afford one that is safe? Will we be able to move or will my lack of income kill our borrowing power? Will I hate being with the kids full days a few days a week and become the yelling screaming mom I see on TV? Will my husband resent me for following a dream and placing an enormous burden on him? Or...will my trickle flow upwards...will I enjoy being out of the house a few days a week and maybe make a friend or 12, I might learn a new business and get exposure to a non-profit, higher education and art school all at once. Instead of being stressed 24x7, I'll have a clear path to work, not have the distractions of being at home like I do now, have a job that I won't necessarily have to bring home with me and think about at 3am. No late night interview preps, no tracking down clients for offers, no quarterly reports, no what's your GP and what's your plan, no going into Boston or out to Marlborough. I'll have dedicated days off just for me and the kids....with NO stress of being caught. We'll beach it, park it, library it, go to farmers markets and maybe start and finish craft projects. We'll be able to work our creative minds and the burden of Internet shopping at Hanna Andersson will be alleviated...no keeping up with the Jones' while at home! No germs to obsess about, no meetings/school to rush to and from, no pealing away crying, snotting babies from my chest each morning. No more praying that today someone will make them wash their hands and they won't get the --------- for the 6th time (insert stomach flu, pink eye, strep throat, cold, bronchitis, hand/foot mouth, 5th's etc),No more lying to them saying, you'll have fun today and it will be ok. All of that can wait right? What's another couple of years? And maybe, just maybe, I'll have the chance to make an impact in someones life...hopefully with my own kids and the kids at the school. Is this another 2nd chance?
What would you do?
Friday, July 13, 2007
It's all in how you look at it
Anyone with kids probably watches PBS as much as I do. There is a snippet they play over and over again in between programs that has kids sticking there hands into a big bowl of spaghetti and saying, "I think it's eyeballs." Then the camera flashes to another tot playing "drums" on pots and pans.
Last night I hosted a "failed" art show. Had it not been for 4 of my friends/family that showed up, it would have been a complete bust. However I did learn something and will make these notes to remember.
How not to host an art show 101:
1. Do not try to throw together your art show in a few weeks. It's not enough time, period.
2. Do not market your art show like a yard sale. Goofy neon signs with catchy little sayings is not enough.
3. When you do not receive any RSVP's, do not order food for the people you hope, "surely just forgot to RSVP and will be there in spite of missing said date to RSVP."
4. NEVER use 3M Command stripes to hang your glass framed art in an Africa hot studio-they will fall, they will break.
5. When marketing children's art, don't invite the entire population, they'll just come in, eat your food, complain about your wine choices and leave.
6. When marketing to the correct people, know that choices are good, no inventory is bad.
7. Always have cash available for those who want to pay with it and need change.
8. Bring trash bags.
9. Don't host it on a hot summer night, the week after 7/4 and from 7-9pm. Mom's/dad's with kids are putting kids to bed.
10. Know that buyers who are buying gifts will buy the less expensive art, buyers who are buying for themselves want the expensive stuff.
11. Don't call your mom crying after the show, she'll just worry and you'll break her heart along with yours. It's your mistake to learn from. Don't dump it on her.
12. Do go home and cry to your hubby...especially if he's your best friend too. He'll give you invaluable advice, feed you peach pie, and point out all the things you should keep in perspective...because as he reminded me, it really is "all in how you look at it."
Last night I hosted a "failed" art show. Had it not been for 4 of my friends/family that showed up, it would have been a complete bust. However I did learn something and will make these notes to remember.
How not to host an art show 101:
1. Do not try to throw together your art show in a few weeks. It's not enough time, period.
2. Do not market your art show like a yard sale. Goofy neon signs with catchy little sayings is not enough.
3. When you do not receive any RSVP's, do not order food for the people you hope, "surely just forgot to RSVP and will be there in spite of missing said date to RSVP."
4. NEVER use 3M Command stripes to hang your glass framed art in an Africa hot studio-they will fall, they will break.
5. When marketing children's art, don't invite the entire population, they'll just come in, eat your food, complain about your wine choices and leave.
6. When marketing to the correct people, know that choices are good, no inventory is bad.
7. Always have cash available for those who want to pay with it and need change.
8. Bring trash bags.
9. Don't host it on a hot summer night, the week after 7/4 and from 7-9pm. Mom's/dad's with kids are putting kids to bed.
10. Know that buyers who are buying gifts will buy the less expensive art, buyers who are buying for themselves want the expensive stuff.
11. Don't call your mom crying after the show, she'll just worry and you'll break her heart along with yours. It's your mistake to learn from. Don't dump it on her.
12. Do go home and cry to your hubby...especially if he's your best friend too. He'll give you invaluable advice, feed you peach pie, and point out all the things you should keep in perspective...because as he reminded me, it really is "all in how you look at it."
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
A Life Transitioner
Funny thing happened this weekend while my mom and I were talking. I was telling her that I was thinking about a career as a Life Coach. I have a lot of professional interviewing experience and would love to help people define their career path. In my quest to do something different, I thought this idea du-jour fit nicely.
Some time passed and while driving by the train station, I saw a huge brick warehouse with a for rent sign. It happened to be right next to a halfway house. I pointed the warehouse out to my mom and asked her what she thought I could do with it. She says, "well, if you are a 'Life Transitioner', you would probably do well there." I thought that was pretty funny... she thinks that I belonged in the halfway house because my own life is in such transition. I gave her a pat on the back for a good joke told. No, no, no she says...I meant that you would do well at counseling in that halfway house...you know, as your new job as a "Life Transitioner." Mom, I said, it's a "Life Coach"...and it was funnier when I misunderstood you.
Some time passed and while driving by the train station, I saw a huge brick warehouse with a for rent sign. It happened to be right next to a halfway house. I pointed the warehouse out to my mom and asked her what she thought I could do with it. She says, "well, if you are a 'Life Transitioner', you would probably do well there." I thought that was pretty funny... she thinks that I belonged in the halfway house because my own life is in such transition. I gave her a pat on the back for a good joke told. No, no, no she says...I meant that you would do well at counseling in that halfway house...you know, as your new job as a "Life Transitioner." Mom, I said, it's a "Life Coach"...and it was funnier when I misunderstood you.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Try again
I've spent the better part of the last 2 weeks running around god's creation trying to sell Lauri's art. I am starting to come to the conclusion that I may need to let this one go. I've tried a few times now and it really just reminds me of recruiting. I believe in his art, but I suppose since it's so subjective and the economy is still so tight, shops aren't buying. Or buying very little...or want to do consignment...none of which I am interested in. $4 split 50/50 isn't helping either. I am spending way more in time, energy and stress then $2 a sale:( Bums me out really because I thought maybe that was the ticket to freedom. I'm officially burnt out on trying to make everyone else rich and happy. I want to sell my own things. Everyday brings a new dream for me. Today it's herbs. I have a gift of a very strong sense of smell. My hubby makes fun of me about sometimes...he says I can smell a fart a mile away! Anyway, I digress as usual. I have had a rip of a headache all morning long. I hate drugs so I went to my garden and plucked some lemonbalm and made a drink...god is this an amazing herb!! It smells like fresh, clean, lemony-love! I could just crush it and smell it all day long. How wonderful would it be if I knew how to make herbal remedies for others. Soaps, candles, drinks/teas, smelly things to hang around the house.
I'm going to have to investigate this further....maybe this is it?
I'm going to have to investigate this further....maybe this is it?
Friday, June 15, 2007
With my own two hands
My husband and I are huge Ben Harper fans..and it occurred to me this morning that his song would make a great title for my business! I love to create things...some being better than others. For instance I made some cute little tote bags last night in my sewing class. I have already gotten a ton of compliments on them and I made them less than 12 hours ago. I get such a great sense of myself through my "art." It gives me self esteem and gives me that unique individual thing that I strive for. It's interesting though...I always wonder if I try to be unique because I think Aquariuns are supposed to be unique or do I really want to be unique? I remember devouring those scroll horoscopes that you can buy at the cash register of any drug store. I thought it held the keys to my monthly path. I think I was in the 5th or 6th grade when I started reading them and took them for Gospel. I probably even made decisions based on that particular days forecast...I wonder if I altered my life because of those choices? I think about stuff like that all the time. If I hadn't dropped my bagel on the floor and hadn't cleaned it up and had to make another one and then got in the car and made it to my destination safely...would the outcome of safe arrival at said destination be any different if I hadn't dropped the bagel? I think I am fairly superstitious like that too. I used to think that if I ripped off x amount of toilet paper sheets then a certain boy would call. If I happened to rip them, well..then...I guess I sealed my fate. Deep.
Anyway, back to my business plan. How great would it be to make a living as an artist and be successful at it? I think that is Nirvana.
Anyway, back to my business plan. How great would it be to make a living as an artist and be successful at it? I think that is Nirvana.
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